my baby

So it is not secret that I love animals, almost every kind, and the ones I don't like I can enjoy for I know others do like that particular animal. They say you are either a dog or a cat person and I am very much a dog person. I have this tug in my heart everytime I see a dog...doesn't matter what kind, doesn't matter if i know them or if they are even right in front of me in real life. I love them. I am spending time with a cat this week and don't get me wrong...I LOVE THIS CAT but i don't feel the same tug when I see him (or other cats for that reason) as I do a dog.

Yesterday I lost my one true tug in my heart, our dog of 12 years was put to sleep. She was the love of my life. Yes yes i know its an animal...she was more then that though, she was my confident, she was the one I told every secret to, she was my laughter, my smile, my heart and soul...

I would do anything for that dog, and I have. I have taken her away from my parents so I could have someone to talk to on the weekends when they were gone. This past weekend I drove between 2 houses to take care of my friends cat and my dog. Yes it was a pain and a lot of driving, but she was my baby and I would do it again if I had to.

Now I won't get the chance, no more hugs, no more curling up beside her, no more kisses, no more telling her stories b/c I was bored and no one was answering the phone. No more having my mom bug me to get her nails cut, which I hated doing b/c I felt like I couldn't protect her from the pain. No more sitting outside for hours b/c it is sunny or playing in the snow. No more loving her...

I know it will take a long while for the huge gap in my heart to heal, I will be patient, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I have not been home yet to see the empty house and this I am not looking forward to. I can't even fathom not seeing her happy face when I walk through the door.

People always say this about their pets...I have the best cat, hamster, dog...she may not have been the best but I will say this...everyone who walked through the door of our house, and met this wonderful creature, adored her. She was my puppy dog, my baby and I will miss her for the rest of my life.

Iggy, you know that I love you, I couldn't have said it more, couldn't have shown you better, my only regret is I didn't get to say goodbye. I hope you are having fun with Tootsie and watching out for my papap. I love you...

ending

So my time in Charleston is coming to a close, in three days I will officially be back in Pgh for good.There are so many emotions that I am feeling I don't even know where to begin. All I want to say is this...thank you to everyone for jumping aboard this train with me, from my friends back home who let me have this crazy adventure to the friends I met down here who let me be who I was and helped support me when I hated every moment of it. The last month has been one of the best that I have had in a really long time and I will cherish it for a long long time.

Now it is time to go home and start the next chapter of my life. I plan on making the most of it.

Happy Mothers Day

There is one day of the year that is dedicated to you and all of the hard work that you do 365 days of the year and you totally deserve it!!! I look at all the mom's out there, whether they are a mom I know or not, and realize that regardless of how old your child is you have your hands full and I know not one of you would give it up for anything. To you I celebrate b/c you have to be a special type of woman to be a mother...any female can give birth but to be a mom, now that is truly a gift from above.

To my friends out there that are mom's or moms to be, I applaud you, somehow you make it work with friends, family and your children...this day is for you and cherish it as much as you can!

There are three special mom's out there that I would like to celebrate...Nicky was an amazing mom, she' wasn't mine but she treated me like I was her own daughter, whether it be to help me celebrate a milestone in my life or yell at me b/c I did something stupid, she was there! The love she had for her daughter, her husband, her co-workers and even the dogs that she would see almost daily was astonishing. Unfortunately she is no longer with us and I miss her every day. RIP Nicky and I know she is looking down on us and cursing b/c she can't fix whatever we have done wrong. I love you!

My 2nd mom is just that, my mom away from my own mom. Veronica, I love you more then you will realize. She's the type of woman that no matter how little she has, she will give you all of it. I feel that her reason for living is to make her children, and her friends around her be a little happier then she is. She is always willing to go that extra step or two and I thank you for letting me come into your life and your family with the grace and joy that only you can possess!!! Thank you for being there for me, thank you for trusting me with your family, thank you for letting me be a part of your little niche in life!

Onto the reason I am here, my mom, Nancy. Words can not explain how much I love you, you are the reason I can do what I do, you gave me wings to spread out and when I have fallen you were there to pick me up. You have faith in me when no one else has, including myself and I want to thank you! My mom knows me better then I know myself (unless of course she is getting mixed up on what I want to eat on my b-day...i forgive you mom, sometimes its hard to remember when I choose the same thing every year! :-P), My mom has given up stuff so that I could have a better life, a better education, my mom has taught me that there is nothing, NOTHING in life more important then family. I get a joy in my heart when I am telling a story and it makes her laugh, or me being stupid and random and goofy and it makes her laugh and shakes her head at me. Mom I could keep going but I just want you to know that I love you and I wish I could be with you today of all days.

its official

So its official, i'm moving back to Pgh...you know its funny...when I started this blog I was excited about the new adventure but my heart would always be in Pgh and I knew that I would be returning to my home at some point...i just didn't think it would be this soon. I haven't even been gone a year and I kind of don't want to go home yet. Don't get me wrong, i am SUPER excited about seeing my friends and family on a somewhat daily basis, and I am excited that I have a place i can just up and go to and have family at (both real and friendship). I just feel that I am not done here, I don't feel as if i have exhausted all of my time here and can honestly say yup its time to go. But in all honestly i can't dwell on that fact or I will drive myself into depression. So its time to move on. My cousin said it was onto a new adventure...i would only half agree with that...onto an old adventure but with a new outlook. I plan on taking more trips, whether it be back here to Charleston to visit my sister (which I plan on doing AS MUCH AS I CAN), or to new and exciting cities around this wonderful United States. I plan on seeing my friends as much as i can and visiting those that live outside of Pgh (Munsie, Scott and baby munsie here I come!!!) I plan on trying new places and things...I don't want life to pass me by. I have learned that here, that i could just crawl into my bed and it let it go...i don't want to do that when i move back home. I am also planning on getting my own place as soon as i have the money to do so and starting that new chapter in my life.

I want to say I am thankful to my friends who were there when I left, and some gave me grief and pain about leaving, but regardless were still there for me and I am thankful to those same friends who have listened to me, my problems, me crying and couldn't do anything about it, who basically just sat there as i told them the same story over and OVER again. To you I am thankful. Thank you for letting me go, to do my own thing, to live life, even if just for a little bit, outside of my bubble...

I would also like to say thank you to my co-workers and my job...as much as i hate my job, the people there made it worthwhile and sometimes even fun to go to work. Even the customers, when you peel back the annoying layers that ALL customers have, you learn a lot. Everyone has a story and you just have to sit back and listen b/c if you do it may be the most fascinating thing you have ever heard.

I have learned a lot from living here, how people are, how people live, the language and the culture...its different from my own and not necessarily in a bad way, just one that I am not used to.

So I look at this almost year long experience and even though I feel that I am giving up and walking back with my tail between my legs I have to realize that it is not that...it is me saying I can't stay but I will be back!!!

should I stay or should I go...

I had such high hopes, this was a new beginning, a fresh start; not that I needed a fresh start from anyone or anything. Going out to be on your own in a new place is scary no matter how old you are, I was lucky I had my sister to start this journey with me. It took awhile to find a job but I soon did...it wasn't what I wanted in any aspect but it was a job, I made it! I could now actually afford to live here, let the adventure begin!

At first it was ok, then I realized my job pays me next to nothing so I can't afford to actually go out, then to make ends meet I am working 40 and sometimes plus hours...ok well I really don't know anyone down here so its not like I am missing out on plans; well then I realized for me to meet people to make plans I need to go out, which my job doesn't really allow for socializing and meeting new people...if I want to have a social life I better have a group of friends already built in, which I didn't have. Still I had high hopes, I was able to make it to Myrtle Beach for a couple of days and I got to go to Savannah for a weekend and I got to go visit my friends in NC for a weekend as well. Life was good right? Well yes...and no. I still didn't have any money to go out and try that restaurant or the time off to get together with that group I had joined on the web, so my life consisted of work and home...kind of boring if you ask me...the few times I was able to do stuff in Charleston I had a blast! Well now I have to make a decision...my car is sick AGAIN and pretty much for the last time...I can't afford to pay to get it fixed, an I can't afford to pay for a new car...so do I stay here in Charleston with a job I hate making next to nothing but the possibility is there that I get to explore a little more this new life or do i give it all up and head home. I don't want to be forced into making a decision and I don't want to be forced to leave a place I am just starting to fall in love with, but on the other end of the stick, I could go back and be with my friends whom I dearly miss and I know miss me, possibly go back to a job making more then I was making before I left (or explore the possibility of getting into movies which I have always wanted to do) , go back to see my family and just be comfortable living in a city I love but feel like it is not home anymore...Part of me feels like if I go home I am giving up and I am done with...no more adventure for me...

I don't know, should I stay or should I go...